to post or not to postLast week, I decided to put up some pictures on Facebook of the damage my soon-to-be-ex did that caused me to finally leave him. This was not an easy decision, and I wanna just ramble a bit here about why I did it. Skip this journal post if this sorta stuff bores the snot outta you, it's okay.For several years I served on the Speaker's Bureau at the local women's shelter. I visited schools and churches and other people's workplaces lecturing about domestic violence - how common it is, what forms it takes, and how to recognize a potential victim. One of the biggest points of frustration for me is that the subject continues to be one people don't care to discuss. It's big, it's ugly, and people are afraid to confront it. If we ignore it, it doesn't exist... Well, talk about not seeing the forest for the freekin' trees. I was right in the middle of it. Took me 12 years to acknowledge that the emotional and psychological abuse is just as damaging, just as valid a form of violence as a thrown punch. Fortunately for me, I have enough knowledge to be able to recover from this chapter in my life. And finally had the courage to get the hell out of Dodge. But the ex is trying to do anything he can to make himself look like father of the year. this is because I intend to persuade the judge to allow me to move home with my children, where we will be safe and surrounded by family support. This also means the kids would have limited contact with their dad (who will stubbornly insist on remaining in Florida, despite having no ties here), so I have a bit of a job. Not insurmountable, though, and the cards are in my favor. Some of his tactics include going around badmouthing me to anyone who will listen. he told old friends I had 'kidnapped' the children. Even the law says this is not true. He told the kids I 'stole' the car. Again, not true, legally or otherwise - at the time I left, I bundled the children into the working one of the two vehicles in the driveway. End of discussion. He tells people the kids are miserable with me. he tried to tell this to the person who kept my youngest for me while I went to court to obtain a permanent restraining order against the ex. he tells everyone - including the courts - that what he did on August 16th was an isolated incident that will never happen again. no big deal. he 'broke a cardboard door'. It 'came off the hinges'. I 'made this happen'. This was all my fault, my doing. I don't need to defend my parenting ability to anyone who knows me or my children. Fortunately this includes friends, family, daycare providers and the school officials. What I do need is for folks to see what can happen when a person is desperate and backed into a corner and reacts out of rage. That my ex, who is behaving at the moment, is capable of extreme violence I cannot hope to defend against. That door could have been me. Never underestimate the power of words. Or tone of voice, for that matter. There's a saying - people will not remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel. And never feel t hat anything is too insignificant to call the police. If you feel threatened or afraid, call 'em. I wish I had sooner. |
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