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Mod Breakdown:
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+12016 / +20023 |
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Karma Level:
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+ 52
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| Signed up: |
4 years ago (8/10/05) |
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Last signed in:
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2 weeks ago |
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Total time online:
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76d 20h 18m |
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A couple of jokes
Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, "Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun any more. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement
_________________
There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms. One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life. He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway? " He said, "I'm NOT happy; my ass itches."
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Not rubbing it in..
But I was walking at the beach today at lunch and stopped to take in the view. I saw a pelican dive into the water, grabbing a fish. I thought it was so cool.
It then took off cruising for more fish. It must have seen one, cause it dove again. But as it got to the surface of the water, a wave caught it in the head, somersaulting the bird upside down.
I burst out laughing. 
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Sunset last night
I was driving home last night and saw that Mission Bay was glass with a beautiful sunset shining on it. I luckily I had my camera in my car and stopped to take pictures. Enjoy!
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ATVing this weekend
I was taking a friend around Ocotillo Wells, coming back from the Pumpkin Patch and found some mud to play in. I drove at high speed into some mud that was deeper than I thought it was and my quad is covered in mud. Man was it fun. LOL
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Dr. Royer's kidney stone cure
Spend the weekend swigging 1.5 gallons of cranberry juice and go on a couple of ATV rides to shake it all up.
Seriously, I went to the Colorado River Friday night with a kidney stone rambling around inside of me and on Sunday morning it was gone with no pain. *shrug*
As a celebration of my being kidney stone free with no pain, I woke up to see two dogs fucking. There is actually a small Chihuahua under that shaggy dog. Great to know that nature is getting more action than me.
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sigh
I need a hug and I don' t know why.
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A bagpiper who was late for a funeral
A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
He was not familiar with the backwoods area, became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. He finally arrived an hour late, saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
He apologized to the workers for his tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where he saw the vault lid already in place.
He assured the workers that he would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. The piper played out his heart and soul.
As he played the workers began to weep. He played and played like he'd never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest. He closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to his car.
As he was opening the door and taking off his coat, he overheard one of the workers saying to another, Sweet Jeezuz, Mary 'n Joseph, I have never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
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Death Valley long weekend
I decided to head up there this past weekend, alone cause everyone I asked sucks. I need new better more active friends, but that is another journal.
I had a great time, went offroading all three days. It wasn't really hard offroading, but it was on gravel or rocks. It made me realize that I really want to get a 4x4 vehicle so that I can go out and play in some fun stuff.
Here are some videos to hold you guys over until I have the pictures up.
Titus Canyon
Queen of Sheba Mine
Rain Storm
Rain Puddles
LINKED MEDIA
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